Finding a light in the dark (June 14th post)

I dedicate this post to me.
Dear Julie, you will find your way. The darkness will soon be followed by a beautiful sunrise.


Today I wanted to talk about what I am searching for.  Here is a quote that talks about my journey so far.


"You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition.  What you'll discover will be wonderful.  What you'll discover is yourself."  ~Alan Alda


This quote hits two of the things I would like to share.  It also will tie up this whole post.


As you know I recently moved from Hermosa Beach California to Mount Shasta California. I left the city, lights and the beautiful ocean to come to a sleepy mountain town. While leaving Hermosa Beach I felt a sadness in my heart, I also knew I was doing the right thing. As I drove through the night I had a billion questions going through my head. I talked to many of my dear friends. Lauren Chidester was one of them. The first time I met Lauren I was in love, ever since then we have been friends. She listened as I cried, told me she loved me and reminded me that she supported me. I am so grateful to have her in my life, I know she is always there even if we talk very little. I also talked to my mother on my journey along with my father and some very close friends. I was getting more love and support then I can explain. Thank you very much for that.

After talking to Lauren I decided to pull over and sleep. I felt impressed to "check in" to the side of the road on my facebook. After that I got my pillow and blanket, put my head against the window and slept. About an hour later I woke up to my phone buzzing. It was my dear friend Carolyn Wiggin. She said that she saw my post on Facebook, she used my location and figured out that I was only 2 hours and 15 minutes away.   I woke up and drove all the way there. She was an angel sent by god. She knew that I was on the side of the road sleeping and I was having a very difficult time. She told me to come to her house and sleep on her couch for a couple hours. She txt me while I was driving and said let me know when you get close. She and her amazing husband Patrick stayed up all night until a couple hours after I arrived. I was in a somber and zoned out state. They stayed up and talked to me, asking how I was feeling and reminded me that my life was in perfect order. I trusted them, I was still upset about how everything happened. After Patrick went to bed Carolyn loving stayed in the living room until I fell asleep. I told her I would be leaving in a few hours so I could make it home. The next morning we talked, I ended up staying half of the next day. :) I am so thankful that they welcomed me into their home and stayed up the whole night for me knowing they would be lucky if they got 2 hours of sleep before work. Thank you Patrick and Carolyn. I love you very much!  You answered my call and extended your loving support. As I gave Carolyn a hug before I left I was reminded of how much love you can have for someone, even if they are just your friend. As I drove away my phone died. I had no connection to the social world. I wanted to badly talk to him and see how he was doing. Instead of talking to him I sat in the silence drove through the pouring rain and cried. I knew deep down inside of me that this was the right thing to do. Every mile I drove the pain would slowly chip away. I now know how much I was being supported and loved. I appreciate all of you who have been a listening ear.. or just there on the phone as I cried. 

I came here to find out who Julie really is. I was having a hard time because I felt that I would have to "make a new Julie" like I had done before. I would make her up to how ever I saw fit. Why? Because I wasn't comfortable being myself. I always thought I wasn't good enough. As I walked into my families home I found this quote on the wall. "In a world where you can be anything, be yourself". - Jillian Teubert I have been searching for this "Julie". I have been asking myself what do I like..who am I and where did I go?

Now I realize this... Julie was always there. She never left, yes she did step back and give away a lot of herself. I also covered up my true self because I felt it was better to be someone else. I had a lot of missing gaps from me waiting away over time. Now I look at it as time to connect the dots. I came to a place I never thought I would like. I came to a place far away from all my troubles. This place is where I have connected my dots. I enjoy the peace and quiet here. I find myself in wild flowers and in the smell of the hot pine at noon. I see my reflection in the crystal clear lakes and I hear my name in the cool mountain breeze. I now realize that I did not come here to run away from my "problems". I came here because here I can focus on fixing them.

Julie is back! I know that I am capable of all the happiness in the world. I know I am beautiful and that I am here for many reasons. Every day 1-100 reasons and answers come fourth. I smile laugh and say "ok, I can do that.. whats next" and the next answer unfolds. I am pushing and kicking down my walls for the prize of forward movement. There is no doubt that I am here for many reasons. I know I can bring great things here and inspire many people.

For example her is what I did today..

I went out and used my connections to get a job for a dear friend. Maybe I am that strong force in her life to help her see her path clearer. I also talked to my mom and opened up to her about my life. She told me I inspired her to start her own blog and share her unique gift with the world. I realize I am here to learn, but I am also here to teach. I am here to guide and be that strong force for my family and friends. When they are stuck in the mud  I have a couple shovels to teach them how to dig themselves out. They have been my angels through life, its time for me to give back. In my time here I participate in countless hours of service and mentoring. I am teaching my sister about the difficult and beautiful things in life. I take her out with me while I do my service, she asks many questions, some of them I don't have the answer to. The ones I don't have the answer to she will find out for her self. I am showing my brothers and teaching them respect. They have improved 1000%! There are many things here that get to change and it looks like that's a big part of why I am here. There are also many things that I get to learn from. They are learning, I am learning,our energy is being equally exchanged, life is beautiful. I no longer get to be scared or worried. I am strong I am beautiful and I can do whatever I desire.

I left the city and came to the mountains and I found myself. The journey is new there is no path, I am making my own. It feels like I am running up a hill backwards and blind folded.. I am learning to trust and let it be. I decide what my life gets to be and I am very excited about that! Life and forward movement go hand in hand, you get to make the decision to flow with it or stop it. That is the beauty of life.

Thank you everyone for your loving support! I am enjoying the challenge of sharing for 30 days. Once I hit my 30 days my next growing experience awaits and welcomes me with open arms. Until then I am working on a couple goal such as saving money for my birthday vacation and buying a new bedroom set as well as getting everything for my apartment.

 Life is beautiful, Life is a blank white canvas. It is up to us to paint our picture perfect life.

I look forward to sharing with you tomorrow!

I love you!

Thank you for being a part of my life and supporting me on my journey of healing.

Namaste

Julie