The past six months of my life have been the hardest so far. I felt emotions that I never knew existed , for that I am so grateful. I have learned so many life lessons and with that knowledge I am going to keep moving forward. I have amazing friends and family that have stayed by my side through it all, I have also had many walk away. I have been completely honest in everything I have done and that I am doing In life. With that honesty relationships have shattered and other have grown stronger. Everything happens for a reason, whether we like that reason or not, trust that reason.
In the next coming months, my life is going to drastically change again and I am so excited! I will be moving to a new city, starting school and working on my business. In my free time I will be working with an amazing friend and eventually introducing my products into LA. I will also be working on fitness competitions and making time to travel. Will my business work, will it make a good amount of revenue, am I scared? YES to all three questions. The question is am I going to let fear hold me back? The answer is NO.
I lay in bed late at night and see it playing out in my head over and over again. I repeat positive affirmations to myself when I am feeling down. I have an enormous amount of drive and knowledge in my tiny little body. I am a very hard worker and I am resilient. With all of the qualities that I posses I know that I will succeed.
I look back at the past 6 months and I am so grateful. Without that experience in my life I don't know if I would be able to do what I am going to start doing. I am so grateful for everyone who put me down, hurt me, loved me and encouraged me. Each and every person had their effect on me. The more negative ones made me push myself harder to rise above and the positive ones encouraged me to keep going.
I have a lot to do in this world and I am going to do it. I thrive when I know I have used up all my life for the day. I thrive when I can see the difference I am making in this beautiful world. I thrive when I am in love with life, these are all things that I am doing and looking forward to.
I am going to take the next two months preparing myself mentally, physically and emotionally for the road ahead. I know I will have my good days and my not so good days and I am excited for both. I know that when I keep an open mind and trust what I feel is best I will reach my goals faster. My goals are what keeps me motivated. I am finding happiness in myself rather then others. To find true happiness you have to search with in, that is also where you will find true love. I get to love, respect and trust myself before I can really share that with anyone else. I feel like I am re-learning to walk for the third time and it is a beautiful experience.
I am going to keep blogging it is one way that keeps me focused and shows me my trail.
Until tomorrow.
Love Jules
Monday, October 31, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
My AMAZING Family (July 6th blog post)
One of the reasons I am up here is to spend some quality time with my family. This summer I look forward to making many memories with them. I have been away from my family for about 3 years, that is too long for me.
I don't ever want to look back on my life and regret that I didn't make the effort to go out and do things as a Family. I believe that families are the strength that keeps us going in life. While going through this break-up my Family and extended Family has pulled together and supported my in ways I could of only dreamed of. I would like to publicly thank each and every one of them.
We will start with my Mom and Dennis.
To my Parents,
You have stuck by my side through the good the bad and the very ugly times. In the past month you have supported me, carried me and shown me a new way of living. You are always here to comfort me as well as guide me on my new path. I really enjoy laying on your bed and talking about our day at the end of the night. I appreciate you two bring food to my work and make sure that I am eating. (I now weigh 110, that is amazing! I feel great) You have always been the ones I could fall back on. I am so grateful that I have you two amazing people in my life. Mom you tell me how it is and if I don't like it, I have the power to change it. Dennis you spend time with me when ever we are in the same place. We laugh so hard that we cry and cry so hard that we laugh. You have been such a joy to come home to! I love you Daddy :)
My parents are amazing! They have taught me how to love as well as crate my own abundance and calling fourth what I deserve.
Love Jube-Jube
My extended parents,
Thank you for supporting me through this transition. I appreciate your love and support you have unconditionally given me. I love you and your family and am looking forward to our next visit :)
I am sending my love your way! xoxo
Love Julie
To my Dad and Sandy,
Thank you for offering your hand to help me out in many ways. I appreciate knowing that I have your support in whatever I may choose. I enjoyed spending some time with you a couple days ago :) I hope you had a great visit and have fun with the kids this summer. I Love you both!
Muah!
Love Jules
To my beautiful sister Lindsay,
Thank you for sharing your room with me. I really appreciate you moving your own bed out of your room so we could fit the futon mattress on the floor so I would have a place to sleep. You have given me YOUR bed and YOUR room with out a second thought. I enjoyed the time we spent together this summer at the lake and giving you a new hair-do :) I love you little sis! You are an amazing sister and friend.
I love you so much little sister! You are one of my best friends! Love your Ju-bug. <3
To Cody,
Thank you for helping me move around all my boxes so I could have an easier life. i appreciate you helping me move the futon out so my bed could have a place to go. You are a fun kid to spend time with. I enjoy watching movies with you and listening to you talk about what you are learning. I love you Kiddo!
Love your big sis! <3
To Jesse,
Thank you for helping and reminding me to eat. You have made me food multiple times and sat down with me to eat. I enjoy spending time with you as well as breakfast lunch and dinner. Thank you for keeping and eye out for you big sis.
love you Jess. xoxo <3
To Paul,
Polly-wog you are a sweet heart. I enjoyed sitting on the couch talking about this new girl you like. It is really fun as a big sister to tell you how you should approach her. I enjoyed our laughs as well as trying to not mortify you on my suggestions to dating. You are growing up too quick! Slow down and enjoy life buddy! I love you! Your doing amazing in school, keep your focus! You are going amazing places lil' bro.
I sure love you sweetheart!
Love juju. <3
I don't ever want to look back on my life and regret that I didn't make the effort to go out and do things as a Family. I believe that families are the strength that keeps us going in life. While going through this break-up my Family and extended Family has pulled together and supported my in ways I could of only dreamed of. I would like to publicly thank each and every one of them.
We will start with my Mom and Dennis.
To my Parents,
You have stuck by my side through the good the bad and the very ugly times. In the past month you have supported me, carried me and shown me a new way of living. You are always here to comfort me as well as guide me on my new path. I really enjoy laying on your bed and talking about our day at the end of the night. I appreciate you two bring food to my work and make sure that I am eating. (I now weigh 110, that is amazing! I feel great) You have always been the ones I could fall back on. I am so grateful that I have you two amazing people in my life. Mom you tell me how it is and if I don't like it, I have the power to change it. Dennis you spend time with me when ever we are in the same place. We laugh so hard that we cry and cry so hard that we laugh. You have been such a joy to come home to! I love you Daddy :)
My parents are amazing! They have taught me how to love as well as crate my own abundance and calling fourth what I deserve.
Love Jube-Jube
My extended parents,
Thank you for supporting me through this transition. I appreciate your love and support you have unconditionally given me. I love you and your family and am looking forward to our next visit :)
I am sending my love your way! xoxo
Love Julie
To my Dad and Sandy,
Thank you for offering your hand to help me out in many ways. I appreciate knowing that I have your support in whatever I may choose. I enjoyed spending some time with you a couple days ago :) I hope you had a great visit and have fun with the kids this summer. I Love you both!
Muah!
Love Jules
To my beautiful sister Lindsay,
Thank you for sharing your room with me. I really appreciate you moving your own bed out of your room so we could fit the futon mattress on the floor so I would have a place to sleep. You have given me YOUR bed and YOUR room with out a second thought. I enjoyed the time we spent together this summer at the lake and giving you a new hair-do :) I love you little sis! You are an amazing sister and friend.
I love you so much little sister! You are one of my best friends! Love your Ju-bug. <3
To Cody,
Thank you for helping me move around all my boxes so I could have an easier life. i appreciate you helping me move the futon out so my bed could have a place to go. You are a fun kid to spend time with. I enjoy watching movies with you and listening to you talk about what you are learning. I love you Kiddo!
Love your big sis! <3
To Jesse,
Thank you for helping and reminding me to eat. You have made me food multiple times and sat down with me to eat. I enjoy spending time with you as well as breakfast lunch and dinner. Thank you for keeping and eye out for you big sis.
love you Jess. xoxo <3
To Paul,
Polly-wog you are a sweet heart. I enjoyed sitting on the couch talking about this new girl you like. It is really fun as a big sister to tell you how you should approach her. I enjoyed our laughs as well as trying to not mortify you on my suggestions to dating. You are growing up too quick! Slow down and enjoy life buddy! I love you! Your doing amazing in school, keep your focus! You are going amazing places lil' bro.
I sure love you sweetheart!
Love juju. <3
The Power of Creation (July 5th blog post)
Power of creation
As you know I currently have a goal of buying a bet set with in the next couple months. Here is my amazing story of how it came to be within a week and a half of setting my goal.
On my step dads and my day off, our family had planned to go to Medford for the day. On the way there we had to stop and cash my check as well as a few little errands. We stopped off in Yreka, a small little town that had a Wells Fargo in it. We pull up to the grocery store where the Wells Fargo is located. My mom and I walk up to the front desk and asked where the Wells Fargo is. The manager points at the "Wells Fargo" ATM. I could not cash my check at an ATM, and there was not another Wells Fargo for at least an hour and it was already 4:13pm. I was upset that I was going to Medford with no money in my account and we had been planning this for a week. My mom said, hurry let's get back on the road and try to make it in time. The next city with a Wells Fargo in it is Ashland Oregon. My mom googled directions and were off. As my mom navigates me through this adorable city, I am getting very nervous. She gently reminds me that it will all work out. As we get closer to the bank I am feeling a push to go faster. We pull up to the Wells Fargo and run inside to get in line. Once I am in front of the teller I hand her my check and tell her I would like to cash part and deposit the rest into my account. She tells me that she can not cash any of it and she can deposit it and it will be ready in 2 days. This is not an option for me. Once again I look at my mom, he says get in the car we will google the next bank, it is almost 5:00pm. I am also reminded the third times a charm!
My mom googles the next Wells Fargo, it is in Medford 11 miles away. I drove like a maniac to get there, but when we arrived it was after 5. We pull up to the Wells Fargo and the parking lot is empty, it is 5:15. I am upset that I am in Medford with no cash. I tell my mom that I just want to check and see if they are still open.
I grab my check and wallet and go straight for the doors. I pull on the doors and they open!! I am so excited! I walk inside and wait for the next teller. I talk to her for a couple minutes before I ask her what she can do for me. I told her that I had been to two banks before coming to her to get this cashed. I told her that I drove 90 miles to get this taken care of and that I was looking to put a deposit down on a bed. She said she would override her system ad cash my check and deposit a portion for me. This was amazing news! After she assisted me I walked out to the car with a huge smile on my face. Now that I had money it was time to enjoy some quality time with my family.
My little brother Cody and my step dad Dennis wanted to go to the movies. My mother goggled the movies they were .02 miles away. Once I drove into the parking lot I saw an Ashley furniture store straight ahead. That's where my bed set was!! After dropping the boys off, my mom and I headed straight for Ashley furniture. I walk inside and b-lined it for my bed set. I had got a couple quotes, all of them were close to 2,000. I went in with the power and intention that I would get it for half of that. Let's just say I got s really good deal. I got a upfront couple hundred dollars off, plus 15% for the fourth of July holiday and since I was in Oregon I paid no tax! My total amount was exactly what I had put out there. I put my 10% deposit down on the bed and did the happy dance with my mommy!! I was so excited!! Overall I saved about $1,500.00 on my bed. I put out there what bed I wanted and for what price the universe directed to to it and I got exactly what I wanted!!
I am learning the power of clear intentions and the law of attraction. It is an amazing feeling! We are powerful creators!! When I put out a clear intention of what I am calling fourth in my space and I surrender to the powers to be, Destiny/fate/the universe and serendipity take control of the situation and honor us. We are amazing and powerful creators!! I will have my bed set with in the next month!
After that I get to move on to a couch, tv, kitchen table and all the other fun things I get to put in my house! I am going to have about 50 happy boxes :))
Lets see what the universe and I can bring tomorrow :)
xoxo
Jules
As you know I currently have a goal of buying a bet set with in the next couple months. Here is my amazing story of how it came to be within a week and a half of setting my goal.
On my step dads and my day off, our family had planned to go to Medford for the day. On the way there we had to stop and cash my check as well as a few little errands. We stopped off in Yreka, a small little town that had a Wells Fargo in it. We pull up to the grocery store where the Wells Fargo is located. My mom and I walk up to the front desk and asked where the Wells Fargo is. The manager points at the "Wells Fargo" ATM. I could not cash my check at an ATM, and there was not another Wells Fargo for at least an hour and it was already 4:13pm. I was upset that I was going to Medford with no money in my account and we had been planning this for a week. My mom said, hurry let's get back on the road and try to make it in time. The next city with a Wells Fargo in it is Ashland Oregon. My mom googled directions and were off. As my mom navigates me through this adorable city, I am getting very nervous. She gently reminds me that it will all work out. As we get closer to the bank I am feeling a push to go faster. We pull up to the Wells Fargo and run inside to get in line. Once I am in front of the teller I hand her my check and tell her I would like to cash part and deposit the rest into my account. She tells me that she can not cash any of it and she can deposit it and it will be ready in 2 days. This is not an option for me. Once again I look at my mom, he says get in the car we will google the next bank, it is almost 5:00pm. I am also reminded the third times a charm!
My mom googles the next Wells Fargo, it is in Medford 11 miles away. I drove like a maniac to get there, but when we arrived it was after 5. We pull up to the Wells Fargo and the parking lot is empty, it is 5:15. I am upset that I am in Medford with no cash. I tell my mom that I just want to check and see if they are still open.
I grab my check and wallet and go straight for the doors. I pull on the doors and they open!! I am so excited! I walk inside and wait for the next teller. I talk to her for a couple minutes before I ask her what she can do for me. I told her that I had been to two banks before coming to her to get this cashed. I told her that I drove 90 miles to get this taken care of and that I was looking to put a deposit down on a bed. She said she would override her system ad cash my check and deposit a portion for me. This was amazing news! After she assisted me I walked out to the car with a huge smile on my face. Now that I had money it was time to enjoy some quality time with my family.
My little brother Cody and my step dad Dennis wanted to go to the movies. My mother goggled the movies they were .02 miles away. Once I drove into the parking lot I saw an Ashley furniture store straight ahead. That's where my bed set was!! After dropping the boys off, my mom and I headed straight for Ashley furniture. I walk inside and b-lined it for my bed set. I had got a couple quotes, all of them were close to 2,000. I went in with the power and intention that I would get it for half of that. Let's just say I got s really good deal. I got a upfront couple hundred dollars off, plus 15% for the fourth of July holiday and since I was in Oregon I paid no tax! My total amount was exactly what I had put out there. I put my 10% deposit down on the bed and did the happy dance with my mommy!! I was so excited!! Overall I saved about $1,500.00 on my bed. I put out there what bed I wanted and for what price the universe directed to to it and I got exactly what I wanted!!
I am learning the power of clear intentions and the law of attraction. It is an amazing feeling! We are powerful creators!! When I put out a clear intention of what I am calling fourth in my space and I surrender to the powers to be, Destiny/fate/the universe and serendipity take control of the situation and honor us. We are amazing and powerful creators!! I will have my bed set with in the next month!
After that I get to move on to a couch, tv, kitchen table and all the other fun things I get to put in my house! I am going to have about 50 happy boxes :))
Lets see what the universe and I can bring tomorrow :)
xoxo
Jules
Friday, July 8, 2011
Second time on the Fourth (4th of July blog post)
One year ago today I was on a fishing Vessel in Homer Alaska. After a hard days work and some bad storms we pulled into the dock. It was the fourth of July and the other deck hands were going to drink and party at the Salty Dog. (A famous Saloon in Homer Alaska). Because my grandfather knew exactly what was going on he sentenced me to death and told me I could not leave the harbor, boat or dock. This killed me because the Fourth of July is one of my favorite holidays. I am not a "bad kid" but my grandpa is a hard ass and cares about me. So I figured if I couldn't do anything too crazy, I would call my family and friends while I had phone service and wish them a happy Fourth and catch up on life. I called my mom and got passed around to the whole family, I called my best friends and caught up on life. After that was all done I called my ex. I wanted to wish him a happy Fourth and see how he was doing and thank him for his service. lets just say that conversation left me crying on the dock.
After about 5 minutes of crying a sweet young man passed me, turned around, sat down by me and put his arm around me. Once I got done crying enough that I could see I realized a complete stranger was holding me as I was crying. I turned to see who was hugging me. It was the kid from a few boat slots down. He said, I may not know what your going through, but have a beer and lets go watch the fireworks.. I looked at him and said I don't drink beer and im grounded to the harbor. He looked at me and said give me 5 minutes.
I went in the boat and fixed my make up, My grandpa asked where I was going, I told him I was going to watch fireworks with a friend. He about lost his mind, I told him I was not leaving the harbor and that I needed this, he saw the make up running all the way down my neck and gave in. Robert came up to my boat and said ready? Don't bring your phone or anything that can get ruined by water... I said.. ok.. do I need a life jacket jokingly? He replied with.. "maybe", oh man I was in for some trouble.
Robert was taking me to watch the fireworks in his 15 foot aluminum boat. As we left the harbor and went to the shore of the beach we talked about life, where we have been and where we are going. Robert helped take my mind off what was going on in my life for a couple hours. For that and being so sweet to me during that summer I am very thankful. Thank you Robert for being so kind and caring!
This Fourth of July I spent working my little but off. My mom txt me and asked me what my plans were. I told her I would like to go to the fireworks with the family and maybe some friends. She told me she had talked to Robert, a family friend who works with my step dad. My mom told me to invite Robert, his dad was out of town and maybe he would like to join us. I txt Robert and asked him to come over for dinner and fireworks. When I got home I passed out for and hour then got ready for the fireworks. Robert and I went out with my little Brother Paul to find a great spot at the resort to spread our blankets. My mom and the rest of my family showed up and we all enjoyed the huge firework show together. It was a very nice Fourth of July.
Once I got home and layed down, I realized all the coincidences from last Fourth of July. This was hard for me, for a second there I was thinking I was back in the same spot. I had to remind myself to calm down and count to 100. Once I calmed down I acknowledged all of the similarities as well as evaluated the differences I felt much better. Yes, for the past two Fourth of July(s) I have been in the process of a break up as well as spending the day with a "Robert". On the other hand, I have learned so much about life and myself since then. I am very proud of myself and I am grateful to all of those who have assisted me. Thank you very much for your love and support.
Sometimes we have to remind ourselves to breath :)
I love you all! Hope you had a great fourth of July!
xoxo
Jules
Thursday, July 7, 2011
My list (July 3rd blog post)
Tonight I wanted to share my "list". A Friend asked me other day what I am looking for in a life partner. I jokingly said, Tall, dark and handsome. She didn't think that was very amusing. I was asked to go home and write my list. So I did it and here it is.
Obviously I am looking for a tall dark and handsome, but looks are not everything. I am searching for my life partner, to be put simply.
I thought about all the things I want in my life, I thought how I would want that special someone in my life. Here is what I came up with.
The first thing that came to my mind was a connection.
I am not only talking about and intimate connection but a heart and soul connection. I would like us to be able to know what the other is feeling/thinking, we will be open and communicate in many ways.
One of the next things that crossed my mind was having children. I want to have that perfect man that will be the most amazing husband and father. I want to share the joys of being a parent, crazy pregnancy cravings, first loose tooth, dance recitals and high school graduations with that perfect man. I am crazy baby hungry right now.. again.. but I realize that I want to wait and have my child(ren) with the one I want to spend my life with. Not saying that single parents are not amazing because they are!! My mom was a single parent.. she did a fabulous job with 5 kids! I believe that starting a family is sacred. You are bringing a new life into this world and that is amazing! I want to be able to give my child the best possible so I will wait a couple years. :)
I really am aching to have someone who will put me first. I have had a big lack of that, now it is time to change. I will never again put up with that madness of being put behind everyone else. I want to have what I say have a big impression on the situation. Not saying I want to control it, but I would like to have some input. I want to have a family that loves me and welcomes me like I would love and welcome them. This was a big jump for me. I deserve the best, I deserve to have a man in my life who puts me first and sticks up for me. If you want me in your life you will treat me with the highest respect and I will treat you with the same. A relationship is a very unique treasure and you should do everything you can to protect and keep it.
I want someone who is set in who they are and what they want in life. I am looking for someone who has immense drive in life and know exactly where they are going. I thrive off of personal power, if you want to be in my life you have to have that drive. I know where I am going, yes I have my speed bumps along the way but I keep going. :)
Along with all of that I want someone who has immense compassion for others, love, respect, gratitude, inner peace and wisdom.
I don't believe I will be walking up to everyman in this world and say.. " Sorry you don't have enough love or compassion for me.. goodbye". Haha I believe my perfect man will have all of that and more. I am excited to have him in my life <3
A girl can dream right? :)
Until tomorrow
Jules
Obviously I am looking for a tall dark and handsome, but looks are not everything. I am searching for my life partner, to be put simply.
I thought about all the things I want in my life, I thought how I would want that special someone in my life. Here is what I came up with.
The first thing that came to my mind was a connection.
I am not only talking about and intimate connection but a heart and soul connection. I would like us to be able to know what the other is feeling/thinking, we will be open and communicate in many ways.
One of the next things that crossed my mind was having children. I want to have that perfect man that will be the most amazing husband and father. I want to share the joys of being a parent, crazy pregnancy cravings, first loose tooth, dance recitals and high school graduations with that perfect man. I am crazy baby hungry right now.. again.. but I realize that I want to wait and have my child(ren) with the one I want to spend my life with. Not saying that single parents are not amazing because they are!! My mom was a single parent.. she did a fabulous job with 5 kids! I believe that starting a family is sacred. You are bringing a new life into this world and that is amazing! I want to be able to give my child the best possible so I will wait a couple years. :)
I really am aching to have someone who will put me first. I have had a big lack of that, now it is time to change. I will never again put up with that madness of being put behind everyone else. I want to have what I say have a big impression on the situation. Not saying I want to control it, but I would like to have some input. I want to have a family that loves me and welcomes me like I would love and welcome them. This was a big jump for me. I deserve the best, I deserve to have a man in my life who puts me first and sticks up for me. If you want me in your life you will treat me with the highest respect and I will treat you with the same. A relationship is a very unique treasure and you should do everything you can to protect and keep it.
I want someone who is set in who they are and what they want in life. I am looking for someone who has immense drive in life and know exactly where they are going. I thrive off of personal power, if you want to be in my life you have to have that drive. I know where I am going, yes I have my speed bumps along the way but I keep going. :)
Along with all of that I want someone who has immense compassion for others, love, respect, gratitude, inner peace and wisdom.
I don't believe I will be walking up to everyman in this world and say.. " Sorry you don't have enough love or compassion for me.. goodbye". Haha I believe my perfect man will have all of that and more. I am excited to have him in my life <3
A girl can dream right? :)
Until tomorrow
Jules
Im not lucky, Im blessed (July 2nd blog post)
"May there always be angels to watch over you,
to guide you each step of the way,
to guide you and keep you safe from all harm"
Sleepsong, Secret Garden
I am learning, I am at peace and I am strong. The last couple weeks I have been pushing myself through what felt like hell. I had my moments of feeling anything but strong, looking back I realize I was strong and I am strong. My strength will support me in this jump. I would like to share a part of my soul and heart with you all tonight.
Through out this split I have learned so much about myself, life, true friends and love to name a few. In my heart I love Brandon very much, he is an amazing being. Right now I am focusing on my life and where I want to go. Everyday the pain and hurt slips more away. I want to remember that part of my life as a beautiful relationship and valuable life lesson. I have learned so much being with Brandon and moving out and finding my own personality.
Recently I have opened my eyes and accepted what I want in a relationship and what I don't want. I now realize this is my life and I can make it however I choose. I am choosing happiness, love, friendship and peace. I am here to touch many lives as well as make this world a happier place to be. I am not exactly clear on what my "big way" to do it is, I realize everyday I can make a difference. I frequently find myself, leaving sweet notes, donating time and money, assisting the veterans here in town as well as the simple opening door and helping load groceries. I believe life is about happiness and giving to others. When I give unconditionally to others that comes back to me in buckets.
I am working hard physically mentally and emotionally on reaching my goals. I apologize for not posting my blogs every night. I have been working 14+ hour days and attempting to sleep and unpack. Thanks to my mom I have clean clothes, 10+ unpacked boxes as well as being fed everyday. She is the best! Going through this opened my life to how blessed I really am, how many people love and care for me and what I want in life. Instead of focusing on the past and what I didn't/don't want, I focus on everything I deserve and how I am going to create it.
I am in the perfect place right now physically and emotionally, even tho I sometimes feel I am going to die in this small town. Ha ha. I realize by being here I have family close and a job. With these and my tools I am building my life how I want it. I am so excited to get all my things together and organized. I am on a beautiful path and I am loving my life!
I love you!!
Good night
Jules
xoxo
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Deeply Knowing (July 1st blog post)
I know what I know, now it is time to voice it and trust it. It's time to free fall..
Once again. In my heart I know how much I love him. I also know that I want him in my life however it works for both of us. I feel that I get to voice that, on the other hand I am wanting to shield my heart from anymore rejection. The pain I felt was horrible and very tough for me to break through, but I did it. The man I love and loved couldn't give what I deserved in our relationship, I also could not fully give him what he deserved. For me, this was heart breaking.
In my heart, I had found the one person I want/ed to spend my life with. Now I am stuck between to worlds. One, living without him and feeling like this is very wrong. Or two having him in my life however it works. I realize I am no longer afraid of saying what I feel. My blog is a very safe place for me to share my mind, it has helped me over come being afraid to talk. The way I see it is... I am going to tell you what's on my mind and someones opinion won't change how I feel or think anymore. That is a very beautiful thing. Throughout this break up I have found who I am. I love who I am. I have my beautiful mother to thank for that. This quote is hung around our house in several places.
"In a world where you can be anything, be YOURSELF.
I love this, it is very true. I am done with feeling like I can't be myself around anyone. If they don't like it then it's their loss. We can't hold our selves back anymore based on other peoples judgements. I realize that I am putting a lot of emotions on the line right now. I am praying and asking that they be respected. I made that leap of faith and did what I felt was best, that is great for me!
Until tomorrow
Jules
Once again. In my heart I know how much I love him. I also know that I want him in my life however it works for both of us. I feel that I get to voice that, on the other hand I am wanting to shield my heart from anymore rejection. The pain I felt was horrible and very tough for me to break through, but I did it. The man I love and loved couldn't give what I deserved in our relationship, I also could not fully give him what he deserved. For me, this was heart breaking.
In my heart, I had found the one person I want/ed to spend my life with. Now I am stuck between to worlds. One, living without him and feeling like this is very wrong. Or two having him in my life however it works. I realize I am no longer afraid of saying what I feel. My blog is a very safe place for me to share my mind, it has helped me over come being afraid to talk. The way I see it is... I am going to tell you what's on my mind and someones opinion won't change how I feel or think anymore. That is a very beautiful thing. Throughout this break up I have found who I am. I love who I am. I have my beautiful mother to thank for that. This quote is hung around our house in several places.
"In a world where you can be anything, be YOURSELF.
I love this, it is very true. I am done with feeling like I can't be myself around anyone. If they don't like it then it's their loss. We can't hold our selves back anymore based on other peoples judgements. I realize that I am putting a lot of emotions on the line right now. I am praying and asking that they be respected. I made that leap of faith and did what I felt was best, that is great for me!
Until tomorrow
Jules
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