It's crazy to think 2 months and 2 days ago I was engaged, 1 month and 1 day ago we broke up. It looks like the universe has different plans for both of us. I will always love Brandon, he is a angel in my life. I will honor the sunset and look to the sunrise. <3
I have been thinking about all the things I learned about myself while being with him. I thought about all the things he has taught me. I know that he was in my life for many reasons. I also know I was in his for the same.
Being single has a very new and exciting perspective in life. I am not wanting or seeking out a relationship right now. I just want to be me and have fun. I also realize that there is a lot of hurt in my heart from that relationship and that I am healing beautifully.
Ever since I was a little girl I dreamt about the day I would get married. I thought about my dress and the perfect flowers. As I got older I dreamt about the day I would get engaged and the perfect ways I might get engaged. On the beach during sunset, in a different country after a beautiful day or in front of our family with dozens of roses. Oh yes believe me it was perfect in my head.
At this point in my life I am dreaming about the perfect man. I now know exactly what I want. I am looking for someone who will stick by my side through it all. I am looking for the kind caring and compassionate man who will help a stranger just to help. I am looking for that one person to spend my life with and possibly have children.Yes I know I will always go for the tall dark and handsome with amazing eyes and strong arms. I am also looking for that person that will never walk away. I am looking for someone who will always put me first, as I put him first.
Currently I am not sure If I ever want to get married. I dreamt it would be perfect, thank Cinderella and Ariel for that. As a child I watched what I believed was true love. Disney never went over breaking up with an amazing person and how to get over heart break. I'm sure if they did I would have the steps memorized front to back! I know that marriage is a beautiful thing as well as having a life partner. I am looking for someone who just wants to live life and enjoy it. If we get married great! If not I am sure it is still as beautiful.
Right now my heart is still sore. I truly thought I had it all, I thought is was perfect. Now I realize I did have it all, It was all perfect because with out that in my life I wouldn't have been able to really truly find myself. I am very thankful for him. He is a beautiful amazing teacher and partner in that part of my life. We may never be together again and I am ok with that. He will always have a special place in my heart! I love him very much and I always will.
Our living circumstances were very rough to handle. I am not saying that is the only reason we broke up, but it was a big part. When you can not really "live" in your "own house" then for me it's an issue. If my possessions can "not" be safe in "my house" that is also an issue. Women especially need a home to be theirs that they can take care of and make their own. It's hard to have a relationship and be together when there are constantly people in your space.
This is what I learned out of that, you can not fully work on a relationship when your living situations are unfavorable. You can not work on a relationship when you don't communicate with each other. And it will never work if you have other girls getting in the middle of everything.
People and couples need their alone time and private space. Every one needs their sanctuary and escape from the world. I am very grateful that I am working on having my own space right now. Once the kids move out for the summer I will have Lindsay's room to call my own for however long. :) I am going to have my bed in there along with anything else I want. I am very excited to buy all my own stuff and make my life comfortable.
I am looking to loose my self in order to find myself. Everyday I see more of Julie shining through! I love it!!
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Honoring the sunset and looking toward the sunrise Brandon and Julie Hermosa Beach CA 2011 |
Until tomorrow :)
I love you all!!
Xoxo
Jules
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